Star Trek Rebirth: Shadows
by Elli1
Summary: Set right after Insomnia, at the end of season six. As the ship’s supplies run out, the crew takes the risk to search for food on a planet, which due to its dense atmosphere, is almost impossible to be scanned. While collecting samples they make a distu
1. Default Chapter

**The Rebirth Saga:**Shadows 

Summary:   
Set right after Insomnia, at the end of season six. As the ship's supplies run out, the crew takes the risk to search for food on a planet, which due to its dense atmosphere, is almost impossible to be scanned. While collecting samples they make a disturbing discovery. 

Rated PG. 

Disclaimer:   
Star Trek Voyager and the Excelsior belong to Paramount. The story and the characters in it belong to me. Marcos Cavelle belongs to the P/T Collective and the Name Janaki belongs to Subha Rajaram, I just took the name, not the character. 

Author's note:   
You can read the story without having read the prequel, Insomnia, but you won't understand all of it that way.   
Please note that the names Janaki and J'Anar are for the same character. 

Spoilers:   
Please note that this story is referring to many Voyager episodes. You'll most likely recognize it when it comes up (i.e. **thirty days, pathfinder**)...   
The *eddies* are referring to the episode **real life**. They are the supspace layers Tom flew into... 

Please send me feedback to e_mail address : e_kuijl@parisnights.de 

Dedicated to:   
My beta readers Isabelle and JK, Robbie McNeill and all those lovely people who sent me feedbackand this way urged me to write even faster!!! 

Archiving:   
Please don't archive without my permission.   
  


Shadows Part One   
By Elisabeth Kuijl 

Teaser

Routine had once more evaded Voyager's flight through the Delta- Quadrant. The last weeks had been strenuous on all of them, Harry thought as he entered the Mess Hall   
to catch some breakfast. 

As Neelix gave him the food, he pointed to a table in the corner of the room.   
"She's been sitting there for two hours already and she still has that same look on her face, like she's ready to kill someone," Neelix warned the Ensign. 

Cautiously, Harry approached the table where B'Elanna Torres sat staring at Neelix' last concoction, but it didn't seem to be the food thatbrought her in this mood. 

" Good morning B'Elanna," he greeted her from behind. She swung around as if she had been struck, glaring at Harry furiously and surprised, but then her gaze turned to one of fear, anger and sorrow. She didn't even utter a word, which in itself was unusual. He'd never seen her look like that before. 

Wanting to get some reaction out of her, he asked the most trivial question that came to mind. 

" Didn't sleep well ?" 

"What?" she said startled by the question. She looked anywhere but at him.   
Kim knew something was wrong, so he tried again. 

"B'Elanna?" 

She finally looked at him. 

Harrywas surprised to see tears in her eyes, he had never seen her cry before. 

Suddenly, she pulled over her chair and stormed out of the Mess Hall, not looking back. 

Harry followed her, worried about his friend. He had no idea what was wrong, but he wanted to find out since it most certainly involved Tom. 

"B'Elanna, wait!" he called running behind her all the way back to her quarters. 

She was crying while staring at the stars outside the window. As she turned, she spotted him nearthe door, eyeing her. 

"I've got to go to Engineering, Harry," she stated wanting to distract Harry, knowing that he wanted to discuss her problem. 

"B'Elanna, what happened?" he asked. 

"Nothing, Harry. It's okay...   
I reallygotta go now," she excited her quarters and left Harry behind. 

***** 

Thomas Eugene Paris woke up suddenly, his forehead was covered with sweat.   
A nightmare, he remembered his dream. Shadows dancing...He could not recall it, for it was too vivid and the images had flown by too quickly. 

With a pang of regret he thought about the last evening. 

What had happened? He couldn't explain it. He didn't know. 

All he knew was that while he and B'Elanna were making love, an overwhelming sense of fear had caught him.   
It had systematically worked itself up his body and B'Elanna had felt more like **a **threat than a lover. He just could not explain it to himself. 

Hell, he didn't understand any of this. 

All he knew was that he loved B'Elanna and that he needed to talk to her as soon as possible. 

*****   
The senior staff, except for Ensign Paris, who was still on sick- leave**, **were gathered in the   
Briefing Room. The stars were flying by quickly as the ship moved at warp six. 

Captain Janeway studied her team as each one of them told her about the ships status. It looked grim. 

They were traversing a star system devoid of any planets, that could provide supplies. 

Voyager was running out of Dilithium. 

She could see that all were worried, because of the current situation, although it seemed that B'Elanna Torres' frown had other reasons. She did not looklike she was very interested in the topic at hand. But the Captain did also notice that B'Elanna seemed a little rough around the edges. She was pale and her eyes were red and puffy. Kathryn made a note to ask her about it later. Ensign Harry Kim, the ships Ops officer, was glancing at her from time to time, concerned. 

Right now they were discussing ways to widen the scanning range, since otherwise there would be no way to find the fuel they needed so badly. They didn't have much time, they were running out of energy. 

"How long before we're dead in the water?" She asked, hoping there were at least some good news on this subject. 

On the other side of the table B'Elanna Torres came to life.   
"The warp core will be active for another week at maximum, but after that we'll have a big problem on our hands." 

Apparently, the Captain was little satisfied with that answer, for she had hoped for more.   
"This cannot be the best we can get. I want all of you to think about other options. We have to comeup with a way to replace the dilithium or do something to replicate some. Either way, we can't just crawl along this sector at impulse". 

Everyone understood their Captain's concern and promised to think of solutions. 

Harry Kim then approached them with another matter of concern. "As I said earlier, scanning range is extremely limited right now. And since we don't know what is hindering them we can't fully relyon the data we collect." 

*****   
The Bridge was unusually quiet that afternoon. Partly because of the absence of their chief pilot, partly because of their current predicament. 

Harry Kim was doing routine diagnostics of his duty station to pass the never passing time as he made an unexpected discovery. 

"Captain", he stated. "I think there's something you should see." From the anxious look on his face it was clear that he'd found something extremely incredible and exciting. 

"What is it, Ensign", Janeway came over to him, her curiosity now quipped as well. 

"I think I've found the cause for our limited scanning abilities." He studied the readouts again, as if to confirm his findings, he then turned to the Captain and elaborated.   
"There is a nebula nearby." 

"A nebula is the reason for this?" Commander Chakotay asked incredously. 

"A class three nebula, to be precise." The Ensign explained, not making further comments yet. 

Janeway looked in awe at the colourful, denseclouds, that Harry Kim had transferred onto the view- screen. "And this is what's interfering with our long range scanners?" 

"There is a huge amount of omicron particles mixed with some unknown fluid present in the nebula, which is affecting scanning abilities within a radius of 400 lightyears. But I can't tell what's actually causing it." Harry was stunned as were the others. This was one of the scientfic mysteries the Captain and her crew loved so much. 

"I think this phenomenon is worth some investigation, don't you agree?" the Captain let her gaze travel across the bridge. 

Everyone seemed eager to explore this uncharted territory, only Tuvok, as chief of security did not agree, logically.   
"Captain, must I remind you in our current situation, we cannot spare the rescources to handle any problems that might come up. We have no idea what to expect." 

Janeway had to admit, he had a point, "I know, but I'm still curious." 

"Captain, maybe there is a reason to enter this nebula," Harry Kim interfered. 

"Yes, Ensign?" she asked him, eyes sparkling with delight. 

"There is Dilithium in this nebula." 

"Dilithium, that changes everything, don't you agree, Tuvok?" She turned and asked her chief of security. 

"It now, seems to be logical to enter the nebula, however I must advise several safetyprocedures," he stated unemotionally. 

The Captain nodded. "Ensign Baytheart, set a course."   


Act One

As they entered the nebula four hours later,they encountered something they had never seen before, nor thought to be possible.   
The usual gas clouds and materials found in a nebulawere missing. 

Presenting itself on the view- screenwas not the inside of a nebula, the play of light and energy. This nebula was the home to an entire star system,the door to another dimension. 

"Ensign," Janeway just asked, not taking her eyes of the view screen**.**

"Captain, do you remember as we encountered the eddies? This is a similar phenomenon.   
The nebula is the door to this galaxy, which does not exsist in our space contiuum. It's only using up subspace, but not space," Harry Kim pointed out. 

They traversed the system for some time, the source of the dilithium still nowhere in sight.   
While they waited, they took in the sheer beauty of this galaxy in awe... 

*****   
"Captain, I've found the source of the dilithium," Harry announced eagerly. 

The Captain stood up and neared the view- screen. "On screen." 

Immediatelythe picture shifted from the stars to a big, blue planet with one continent. 

"Earth", some nameless Ensign said, staring at the view screen**.**

And although his statement had been rather naive, he was right. This planetwas really almost Earth- like. 

"Hum, Captain," Ensign Kim shattered the mood. " I think there is a little problem." 

The captain turned to him expecting the worst, "Yes?" 

"I'm afraid the omicron particles are originating from the planets atmosphere. We would have to perform some slight modifications on the engines, otherwise we can't get down safely," he explained. 

"Well, then do it."   


Act Two

The away teamconsisting of the Captain, B'Elanna Torres, Harry Kim, Joe Carey, Marcos Cavelle, Ensign Tabor and some others, landed on the surface of the planet about two hours later. 

The Captain, Joe Carey and Marcos Cavelle headed down to the valley, where the tricorder indicated, were high traces of Dilithium. 

Lieutenant Torres, Ensign Kim, and Ensign Tabor headed in the opposite direction, which also showed a rich Dilitium deposit.   
The concentrations there were even higher. 

Marcos Cavelle was searching the valley for edible food, while Janeway and Carey headed towards the source of the Dilithium. 

After a while, Marcos decided to widen his search a little bit.   
He went farther down the hill in hope of finding some plants which even Neelix could not destroy with leola root. 

After hearing the sound of running water, he followed it.   
He turned around a corner and saw a place which to him had a very close resemblance to the Garden Eden. 

He never had seen such a beautiful place in his life, befor , except on the holodecks. 

Surrounded by high cliffs was a deep blue lake. 

A waterfall was running down the cliff with incredible speeds, splashing into the lake   
with force. 

It was a green oasis. 

And in the midst of all this beauty, four women were swimming. 

The odd thing about the picture was that they were being guarded by a man, who was waiting besides the sea. 

He could not say what exactly those peoplelooked like, since he was too far away. 

He would have liked it very much just to head for them and introduce himself, but he remembered the Prime Directive and decided to talk to the Captain first. 

He was so awed about the sight before him, that he didn't notice the alien coming up behind him. His weapon was now pressing into his back. 

Taken by surprise, his breath got caught in his throat. He stood ridiculously straight, waiting   
for his aggressor to make thefirst move. 

"Don't turn, " the alien ordered in a low voice.   
"We're going to get the rest of you, he said and took away his comm- badge and threw it into the mud. 

*The Captain, Carey,*he thought. 

*What the hell have I gotten us into ?* 

*****   
After some strenuous rock climbing, B'Elanna, Harry and Tabor entered a huge cave, which as the tricorder had showed, was filled with Dilithium. 

B'Elanna and Harry started to examine the walls immediately. 

"I don't understand this, the readings showed that there should be kilotons of Dilithium down here, but there are just some isograms left," B'Elanna stated. 

"Let's collect some samples and see what we can do with what we have," Harry Kim suggested. 

While the others did just that, Tabor investigated a tunnel whichwas leading away from the cave deeper into the mountain.   
He wasn'ttoo sure but suggesting from the tricorder readings, there was another source of Dilithium there, this time in high concentration. 

"The tricorder is showing high amounts of Dilithium this way, chief. I'm going to go in." 

After the other's confirmation, he went into the tunnel alone while the others packed away their equipment. 

After about five minutes the darkness started to dissipate and he didn't need his beacon anymore. 

He wondered what the source of this light was, for it got brighter and brighter. 

After rounding the next corner, he found out. 

The naked tunnel walls had been replaced with a duranium alloy and now looked like the corridor of any Starfleet vessel, although it looked to be an old design.   
And Tabor knew that duranium was only common to the Alpha Quadrant. 

*Where the hell have I ended up here ?* 

He was stopped suddenlyas he collided with a force field. 

"Damn", he muttered under his breath. "Better call the others". 

"Tabor to Torres," he called through the com- link. 

"Torres here. What is it?" 

"I think you better come down here. There is something you should see," he explained. 

"We're already on our way." 

Curiosity quipped, he searched for a way to get down the force field.   
An access panel was located on the wall. He tapped it. 

The force- field didn't get down as expected, but a scanning beam from above him rushed right through him. 

Caught off guard, he went two steps back. 

After some chirping and beeping, the voice of a computer, which sounded very much like that of Voyager announced: " Race. Human. Confirmed. Entry authorized. You mayenter." 

And he did. 

The source of the Dilthium seemed even more of a mystery than it had been before.   


Act Three

Marcos Cavelle was led by the alien, but not to the other part of the away team.   
They were going down to the sea, where the women were still swimming. 

What the hell is going on ? 

They had almost reached their target as the alien behind him pressed his weapon against his temple.   
They approached the guard, who hadn't noticed them yet, nor had the women.   
The aliens intentions still eluded him. 

He wondered what the other part of the away- team was doing. 

At this point his opponent forced him to step out of his secured hiding place behind the bushes. 

The guard jumped to attention immediately, pointing his rifle at him. He looked shocked as he saw him, since he was human in appearance, too. 

Now, what the alien has saidabout getting the others suddenly made sense. 

While Marcos wondered what conflict or disagreementhad made the two fractions enemies, the women came out of the water and got fully dressed. 

Marcos couldn't see them yet, but they were probablyhuman in appearance, too. 

They came forwardto take sides next to the guard, who still didn't seem to know what to do about Cavelle. 

The third woman was still in the backgroundand therefore could not be seen. 

They didn't move, just assessedthe situation as they stared at him and his captor. 

*Do something,* he thought. 

"You move, you die!" the alien orderedhis adversaries in a terrible Federation Standard. 

*How in hell can he speak Federation Standard ?* 

Suddenly the aliens hold on him lessened and he fell to the ground. 

Marcos turned around to see what's going on. 

The alien was lying on the ground, unconscious and towering above it was a black Vulcan woman. 

"I guess those Vulcan neck- pinches really come in handy sometimes, " the guard said, grinning at the Vulcan. 

"Don't even joke about it, or I might use one on you, George." she joked. 

"You're Vulcan." Marcos just stated. 

"Yes. A little hard to miss. What's you're story?" 

*Not your typical Vulcan at all, Marcos. What the hell. We're on the other side of the galaxy, what are they doing here anyway ?*   
"I'm Ensign Marcos Cavelle, of the Federation starship Voyager," he introduced himself. 

"You're from the Federation? Did you crash-land here?" the guard asked. 

"No, I'm here on an away mission to collect Dilithium crystals. Suddenly this guy came up behindme and brought me here," he explained. 

He was curious to know their story. 

"Look, why don't I lead you to the rest of the away team? My Captain is there, too." 

*****   
Tabor continued striding down the corridor. He became more anxious with every minute. 

Harry and B'Elanna hadn't caught up with him yet. 

Passing another corner,he was almost afraid to continue. 

"What the hell am I going to find here? Maybe I should wait for the others," he whispered to himself.   
But he collected his bearings and rounded the next corner. 

What he saw next was far from what he'd expected. 

He'd just entered a large room, looking similarto a cargo- bay. 

In the middle of it, an old warp core was humming. It was surrounded by stasis chambers, all active. 

*****   
Ensign Cavelle approached the Captain, who was busy collecting samples. 

They obviously had not realized that he had been missing. 

"Captain, do you have a minute ?" he asked from behind, trying to get her attention. 

"What is it, Ensign ? I'm rather busy right now," she said, concentrated on her work. 

"Are you the commanding officer her ?" asked the Vulcan stoically, getting the Captains attention immediately. 

The unknown voice made the Captain fear, that if the planet had habitants, they were not on their side.   
It had scared her so much that she spun around with one swift, sudden move, coming face to face withthe Vulcan. 

She stared at her wide_ eyed. 

"My name is Janaki," she introduced herself. " These are Roxann and Benjamin...from New Earth. I presume you are Captain Janeway," she stated. 

"Yes," the Captain started after getting over the shock. 

Beforeshe could continue however, the Vulcan did. 

"You'rethe Captain of a Federation starship. A functioning Federation starship. You have not crashed here," she still stated the obvious. There was no sign of emotion. Exactly what you would expect from a Vulcan. 

*Just not what I witnessed before*, Cavelle thought, confused. 

"Yes," the Captain confirmed, but as before, not getting the chance to continue talking or asking questions herself. 

Suddenly the Vulcan grinned like an idiot, making Janeway staring at her like she was some kind of freak. 

"Cool," she said, "I've never been on a starship. At least I was to small to rememberany of it." 

Janeway smiled, although a bit hesitantly. 

Being extremely curious, she asked, "How did you get here, to this planet in the middle of the Delta- Quadrant?" 

"Well, it's a long story...   
I was still a child as we stranded, so it's not for me to tell, but...   
The USS Excelsior under the command of Captain Hikaru Sulu was sucked into a trans spacialrift and transported here, where they were caught in an interstellar conflict of two races, the Tolmaar and the Jedan. I don't know what it was about. 

Seeking refugee, they crash landed here. Half of the crew could flee to the escape pods, but the others, minus some expections, died on impact. 

Trying to escape the Tolmaar battleships, they were caught in the gravity wake of this planet we now call New Earth..." She smiled to herself. 

"I guess you managed to avoid that," she observed. 

She then became more thoughtful. "Unfortunately two Tolmaar fighterswere caught in this wake as well. We've been in constant fights with them. They think they are better and deserve more than anyone else," she explained. 

She looked at Marcos and smiled again. 

"I guess you already came in contact with them, Ensign," she said to him. 

Cavelle gave her a small embarrassed smile. Somehow he was beginning to like the Vulcan already. 

"Well Captain. I'd like to know how you ended up in the Delta Quadrant." 

*****   
Torres and Kim entered the cave shortly after Tabor had. 

They understood his anxiety, since they had to pass the force field, too. 

Looking at everything now, it was even more of a mystery. 

Seeing that Tabor still stood in the entrance and took in the rom, B'Elanna opened her tricorder and moved to the core. 

Scanning it for a while she was surprised of her findings. She took the readings again and again, but still it didn't change. 

"It is Federation," she stated simply.   


Act Four

After finishing her tale, Janeway was wondering if parts of the Excelsior could be used for Voyager, since the ship couldn't have disappearedon impact. 

She said so. 

"The **wreckage **is in the woods, it left a big trail behind. But we harvested all useful parts after the crash, sorry, " J'Anar explained. 

She nodded. 

"Captain, how about I show you our city?" 

*****   
"Federation?" Harry repeated what B'Elanna had said. 

Tabor turned to them and pointed at the chambers. "I think that these are stasis chambers," he said. 

"Did you scan them?" B'Elanna asked. 

"No..., not yet," he answered. 

Harry Kim pulled out a tricorder and scanned the tubes. There were no life signs, but he couldn't make out the genetic structure through the thick material of the chambers either. 

Reaching the one farthest away from the entrance, he didn't think anything would be different, this seemed to be some kind of cemetery after all. 

But the readings his tricorder gave him were not at all what he expected. He stared at the tricorder in disbelief. Not trusting it, he scanned the tubes not twice, but three times, but still the results were the same. 

Life signs. 

He packed away his scanning device and then used his uniform sleeve to clear up the window of the stasis chamber from it's dust and grease. 

In it, there lay a woman with brown hair and feminine yet strong features. 

A human woman, wearing a Starfleet uniform. 

*****   
While Harry, B'Elanna and Tabor made their discovery in the caves, Marcos Cavelle, Captain Janeway and Joe Carey were being escorted to New Earth, the Excelsior crew's settlement. 

After a good hour of walking they arrived. 

From the mountain top they had just come from, the view down on the city was good. 

It was a simple building, and it was small. 

Its position was well chosen. It was right in a huge crater, protected from the wind. 

After knocking,a warden looked over the wall. Noticing their escorts, he opened immediately. 

*****   
"Kim to Janeway," Harry Kim tapped his comm badge,but the only answer he got was static. 

The others tried to use their comm badges as well, but no luck. 

"Maybe it's the cave," Tabor suggested. 

"Torres to Voyager," B'Elanna tried something different. 

"Chakotay her," came the immediate answer. 

"Chakotay. We can't raise the Captain's away_ team, but we don't know why. Maybe something happened," Harry Kim explained the situation. 

The Captain had made her report every hour, which was standard procedure for any away mission, and now allowed him to explain Janeway's current situation. 

"I just talked to the Captain about ten minutes ago, the other away team's fine. I think the reason why you can't reach them is because they are in a valley, surrounded by mountains full of high concentrated minerals. They came into contact with the inhabitants," he elaborated and also told them everything else that happened to the away team. 

"Well, that explains some things," B'Elanna said. 

"Explains what, Lieutenant?" Chakotay asked. 

"This cave we're in... is not just a cave,"B'Elanna started. 

Chakotay was puzzled by that statement and therefore asked what they meant by that. 

They told him about the cave, the warpcoreand the stasis chambers and most of all of the woman they had found. 

"What should we do about her, Commander?" Kim asked. 

"Beam her aboard." 

*****   
Upon entering the settlement, they were greeted by many busy people. It was a beautiful site. 

People were, working, talking, or just enjoying themselves, but they payed them little attention. They seemed to be content with what they had here. 

An older man turned to study them. He came over to them. 

"Good afternoon, Janaki," he said to the Vulcan. 

He then looked inquiringly to Voyager's away team and then back to J'Anar. 

"Lieutenant Miller," she said and then gestured to the Captain," this is Captain Janeway of the federation starship Voyager." 

She continued inroducing everyone. 

"Federation," Miller whispered more to himself than to the others. This was some news. 

After everyone had gotten over the initial shock, Lt. Josef Miller, J'Anar some settlers and the away team sat down to exchange stories. 

After Captain Janeway had told them about her journey through the Delta Quadrant, starting on that fateful day as Voyager followed the Maquis ship into the Badlands, Lt Miller told them how they had arrived on new earth twenty eight years ago. 

"We were on a survey mission into the Neutral Zone.   
Since relations between the Federation and the Romulan Empire were stressed at that time, the Federation high council feared war and so we were sent there to keep an eye on the situation. 

No one , not even Captain Hikaru Sulu knew what to expect. But we found out that the Romulans were experimenting with a whole new type of weapon, which was meant to suck enemy ships into subspace. 

After they found out we were spying on them, they used their prototype on us.   
Unfortunately, this weapon did not work as it should have.   
The Romulans must have completely misinterpreted the data.   
The weapon was not a weapon after all. It's force created an artificial wormhole which lead right here, to the Delta Quadrant. 

After we came out we were caught in the middle of a battle wagingbetween two races.   
The Tolmaar tried to enslave a race called the Jedan. Why, we never found out.   
We never came face to face with the Jedan, but the Mogwan answered to our hails once, stating that all ships trespassing their territory were considered enemies and so at the end of our first day in this quadrant we were fighting for our lives and losing. 

During the fight, we got caught in the dangerous atmosphere of New Earth.   
The gravity wake of this planet is so strong, we couldn't help but crashing.   
We lost many good people that day. Our Captain for instance. 

We've been trying to make this place our home since then, althoughthe Tolmaar vessel's crew that also crashed is trying to make our life here a living hell," he explained how they had gotten to New Earth. 

The away team was speechless. Their own story was almost unbelievable, but it still didn't match what Miller had just told them. 

But although she was drawn to the story, there was something else that interested her. 

"Most citizens are very young. I wonder why that is, considering that you've been here for twenty eight years," commenting on the picture she had of this village. 

"Naturally people paired off and created families. But not all childrenwere born here on New Earth. Janaki, for instance, was born on space station 742 in the Alpha Quadrant," he answered the question. 

"The members of our crew who died are all kept in stasis so we can hopefully bring them back to their families in the Alpha Quadrant once we get the chance to go back...." 

"Chakotay to Janeway," the Captain's communicator chirped, interrupting Miller. 

"What is it, Commander?" she asked her first officer. 

" I just wanted to inform you that the other away team has found signs of the Federation, also," he explained.   
"They found a cave filled up with stasis chambers. The occupant of one of the chambers was still alive, so we beamed her aboard," he elaborated. 

" Commander Moreaux? You beamed her aboard?" Miller asked unbelievingly while trying to hold J'Anar back who had jumped forward after hearing the news. 

"I don't know her name. But she's still alive and the doctor says she's fine and perfectly healthy. Right now she's sleeping," Chakotay defended himself. 

"She had a terminalillness. There wasn't any chance of a cure. So we put her into stasis. There is no way that illness is suddenly gone," Miller accused. 

"Maybe she really is healthy. Can't that be?" Janaki asked quietly, her eyes pleading. 

"J'Anar, I know you'd like that to be true, but you're grasping at straws. You know that," he tried to show how hopeless the situation was. 

"Maybe we're talking about a different person then. The doctor said she's healthy," he repeated what he had said only minutes before. 

Janaki and Miller exchanged looks. They wanted to get things cleared up. 

"I think it's time I showed you Voyager," Captain Kathryn Janeway proposed. 

*****   
Three minutes later Voyager's away team, Lieutenant Miller and Janaki materialized on the transporter platform. 

While Joe Carey excused himself to go to engineering, the other three went to sickbay. 

Upon entering, Chakotay again told them that everything was fine with the patient after everyone was introduced. 

J'Anar, becoming impatient, went over to the biobed where the woman lay.   
A look of recognitionpassed over her face.   
She sat down next to the biobed and took the woman's hand in her own. 

"A very unusualVulcan," Chakotay whispered into the Captain's ear, noting Janaki's emotional reaction. 

"It is indeed Jacqueline Moreaux," Josef Miller whispered again. 

"Should I wake her?" the doctor asked, already holding a hypospray in hand. 

"Yes. But you should be aware that she has been in stasis for over twenty years. She's probably going to feel out of place. I suggest we take it easy on her." 

The doctor nodded and pressed the hypospray against the woman's neck. 

Her eyes fluttered open slowly. 

They were of a dark expressive brown, almost like B'Elanna's. 

She looked confused, which considering the new environment was understandable. 

"Jacky," Miller came forward a bit. The woman's attention was trained on him. 

"Josef. Did you spent too much time under the sun?" she asked jokingly, commenting on Miller's wrinkled appearance.   
Unfortunately Miller's smile was forced. 

"What?" Commander Moreaux asked. 

"I guess that's what you look like when you'resixty years old," he commented. 

"Sixty," she whispered.   
Suddenly the meaning of his words dawned on her. 

"How long have I been in stasis," she demanded to know. 

"Twenty years," Miller informed her. 

"Twenty years?!" she repeated very loudly. 

"Haven't you heard my request back then? Damn it. I told everyone explicitly that I only wanted to be kept in stasis for five years. Whether or not you would have found a cure.   
I don't want other people's lives to pass by mine. Dammit, I look to be the same age my own son would be right now," her ranting suddenly stopped as she spotted the Vulcan sitting next to her. 

"Janaki?" she asked incredulously. 

"Yes, " the Vulcan confirmed in tears. 

"You've grown a little bit," the commander said. 

She moved over to the Vulcan and embraced her. "Oh Janaki," she whisperedrunning her hand up and down the other woman's back. 

The Vulcan returned the hug, holding the former first officer of the USS excelsior very tight. 

"Mum. Oh mum, it's so good to have you back." 

*****   
After everyone had recovered from the shock, they got to know some things about Jacqueline Moreaux. 

She had been the first officer of the Excelsior and after Captain Sulu's death, she had lead her crew to victory on New Earth.   
Only a short time passed before her illness broke out and she had to be put into a stasis chamber to keep her alive for a possible treatment in the near future. 

"Doctor,could you give me all the data you collected as you scanned me?" she asked, desperately wanting to know her state of health. 

"I assure you, I know what I'm doing. You are perfectly fine," the EMH defended himself. 

"Doctor, I don't doubt your competence. But... it's very hard to detect it," she said and one could see through the way she had spoken, that she was hoping now as well. 

"I want to be sure. I want to know if this isn't just a fluke.... I know what I have to look for," she stated. 

At her query the doctor gave her the data. 

After studying it intently, Commander Moreaux closed the tricorder slowly and sat down in defeat. 

"It's still there," she sighed.   


Act Five

"Oh my god," Janaki whispered, tears again forming in her eyes. 

*Why,* she asked herself. 

"Could someone tell me what's going on?" the Doctorasked. 

"Did you ever hear of the AP_ Downing Syndrome, Doctor?" Jacqueline asked. 

The doctor's gaze turnedinward as if searching his database for any hints. 

"You're suffering from that disease?" the doctor questioned, not believing what he was hearing. 

She nodded. 

"Could someone explain?" Captain Janeway asked. 

"It's the most rare disease there is. It always existed. At first the doctors believed it was a mental disorder. But later they found out that it wasn't.   
The cramps and the intense pain made the suffering people twitch a lot. The convulsions and contractions are unbearable. It often seems as if the patient looses his mind.   
No one knows where it stems from, or how to treat it. It's always given from the parent to the first child.   
There have been scientists who believe that the whole illness came from one single donor and is about 2500 years old.   
As time went on, the gene mutated and the symptoms became more and more severe.   
The death rate... is hundredn percent," the doctor informed them. 

"I've seen my father die of it," Moreaux added, sounding very far away, contemplating put not sad. 

After Janeway had recovered from the shock, she asked: ", is there nothing that can be done?" 

"I can just try to make it an easy death," the doctor stated, destroying all hopes and illusions. 

"Can't we just put her back into stasis?" J'Anar asked desperately, wanting to do something, anything to get her mother's and her own hopes up. 

For a brief second Kathryn Janeway wondered, * If Janaki is Moreaux's daughter, wouldn't that mean that she'd been given the gene also. That would explain her agitation. Or maybe not, after all it's her mother who's dying.* 

"Janaki, no. You know what I told you earlier. I don't want that.   
I want to see this through. It's better this way. You know that. I'm sure Voyager's doctor can help me with the pain," the Commander soothed the Vulcan. 

J'Anar nodded. "I want to stay here on Voyager as well then," she said, her tone not leaving room for arguments. 

Janeway nodded in confirmation. 

*****   
While Miller and Janaki went down to the planet's surface, the Captain and Moreaux had decided to make a tour of the ship. 

They had already been on it for some time now and Jacqueline was amazed. 

"You certainly have a beautiful ship, Captain," she stated. 

To the captain's regret their tour would end soon. She had immensely enjoyed the company of the much older woman. 

Something about her demeanor seemed so familiar, but she just couldn't tell what it was that was gnawing at her. 

*****   
Shokar Norad walked along Voyager's quarters. He needed to get some sleep. 

On his way he spotted Captain Janeway and another woman chatting in the corridor. 

Something about the woman was familiar. He'd definitely seen her before.   
He searched his memory. A photograph came to mind. One of a little boy holding onto a woman for dear life. This woman. 

With the memory came the name. 

*Jacqueline Moreaux. How unfortunate. I hope this interference doesn't endanger my mission.* 

*****   
"So, what were you doing before being a first officer ?" Janeway asked, curious to know more about this woman. 

"I was a pilot. I also piloted the Excelsior before becoming it's first officer," she stated. There was a certain longing in her voice as she said this. 

Janeway knew that mood very well. Tom Paris was always in it when he was stuck in sickbay for far too long. 

"Ever heard of holodecks?" she asked, knowing that was not the case.   
She explained that basics of it shortly. 

"There are also some flight training simulations available," she smiled. 

"Yes. I'd definitelyenjoy that," the commander stated. 

"Well, I'd honestly like to stay but I've got to get to the bridge. Will you find the way," she asked hinting that other woman might need an escort. 

Moreaux nodded. 

*****   
Tom Paris was thinking hard. 

He needed to prepare something special for B'Elanna. 

He really had no idea what was wrong with him. 

May be the holodeck could help him. 

*****   
After asking the computer, Jacqueline knew where to find the holodecks. 

The captain's enthusiasm about it had made her very curious. 

She was looking forward to using one. 

*****   
Tom Paris turned around the last corner to reach the holodeck. 

He stopped dead in his tracks. Nearing from the other side of the hallway, was a woman wearing a very old Starfleet uniform. 

His rational mind told him that she was probablyone of the Excelsior survivors everyone spoke about, but an irrational part of his mind knew that she was fairly familiar. 

He'd seen her before. 

Without warning a blinding pain shot through his head, accompanied by the already familiar visions. 

The vase shattered. Sad music was playing. 

The Shadows of the unknown were dancing in the background. 

It shifted. 

A dog was running, grass twisting under his feat. 

*Latika,* someone called. The voice of a boy, yet he knew he was the one calling. 

The dog turned and rushed towards him. 

Things shifted again. 

He felt like being lifted into a woman's arms. He felt light. He felt little. 

He embraced her and held onto her for dear life. 

*Don't leave, * he/ the boy whispered. 

He looked into the woman's eyes. She was wearing a Starfleet uniform. 

The picture began to fade, leaving only the Shadows. 

*****   
With a start he found himself back in the corridor on Voyager. 

Someone was keeping him steady. 

He raised his head and stared into a pair of brown eyes. 

A woman's brown eyes. 

It was the woman out of his vision.   


End of part one 

January 2000


	2. Part 2

**The Rebirth Saga: **Shadows Part Two 

Summary:   
Set right after **Shadows Part 1.** While the Doctor tries to save Jacqueline Moreaux's life, Tom Paris learns that things are not as they seem....   
Rated PG -13. 

Disclaimer:   
Star Trek Voyager, the Excelsior belongs to Paramount. The story and the characters in it belong to me. Marcos Cavelle belongs to the** P/T Collective** and the Name Janaki belongs to** Subha Rajaram**, I just took the name, not the character. Don't sue... 

Author's note:   
This is goingt to change now... You need to read the first two parts to understand this one. Otherwise you'll have no clue as to what happened before and what is going on.   
I would love to get some feedback on this one. My e-mail address is 'e_kuijl@ParisNights.de'. 

I didn't stay with the 'Pathways' plot about Tom's family. But I don't think that's necessary.   
I want this series to stay as much at the Star Trek Universe as possible and since in Pathways B'Elanna's mother was called Prabsa and in **barge of the dead** she's called Miral, I don't think the events in Pathways have to be taken seriously.   
And actually there are spoilers and references in this story: **someone to watch over me**, **thirty days** and **pathfinder** are just examples. 

Dedicated to:   
My beta readers Jeanette, Ronda and Isabelle, who made the right guess about the continuation!!! To Mrs Hass, my former English teacher, who loves SF and Fantasy almost as much as I do and was the most competent teacher I ever had... 

Archiving:   
Please don't archive without my permission. 

And please tell me what you think of this. I really appreciate the feedback. Tell me what you felt when you read it. I have no idea if this will work as I planned it to.   
My e-mail adress is e_kuijl@ParisNights.de   


Shadows Part Two   
By Elisabeth Kuijl 

Act one

"Are you all right," Jacqueline Moreaux asked the swaying man. 

Tom Paris was confused. *What the hell is going on here?*, he thought.   
He nodded, answering the woman's question that way. 

"Who are you,? he asked. 

"I'm Commander Jacqueline Moreaux, first officer of the USS Excelsior. And You?" 

"Tom Paris, chief pilot of Voyager," he introduced himself. 

Her mouth opened in shock, but shut again shortly after that, as she noticed she was staring at the man in front of her. 

"Tom Paris," she whispered half to herself half confirming what he had just said, half asking it, half stating it. 

She shook her head.   
He didn't understand her reaction. Surely she couldn't know about Caldik Prime. 

He could see that she was getting angry about something. 

"He didn't tell you," she stated, her voice sounded extremely bitter. 

"Tell me what? Who?" not understanding what she was getting at, at all. 

"That fuckin' bastard...I can't believe Owen didn't tell you," she was ranting, but Tom was no closer to understanding what she was saying. 

"What are you talking about?" he asked. 

"I've been wanting to try that holodeck of yours. I can tell you...everything there," she proposed. 

"Okay. I have a holodeck program you might enjoy," he said. 

She agreed. 

*****   
Shokar Norad saw Moreaux and Paris enter the holodeck together.   
He wasn't sure whether or not Moreaux would tell Paris the truth. 

*I can't take any risks,* he thought.   
There was after all the possibility that she'd tell him everything she knew. 

*Well, I'll just have to find a way to turn this to my advantage,* he thought and a plan was already forming, taking shape. 

*****   
They entered the program together.   
It was "Sandrines", Tom's program of the French bistro.   
He looked around with pride. 

"Chez Sandrines, a fFrench bistro," Tom introduced the program to Jacqueline. He hadn't noticed the woman's uneasiness disappear. 

"Sandrines," she whispered, not just repeating the name, but remembering something very far away, amazed at his skill and fantasy. 

"Very authentic," she grinned.   
"But I believe the pool table was more to the right and was a little bit bigger," she observed, grinning like an idiot and catching Tom completely off- guard. 

"You know Chez Sandrines?" he asked astoundedly. 

"I grew up in Marseilles. Sandrines was, in a away, my second home. You know, Sandrine and I, we grew up together, like sisters," she explained. 

She went to the pool table and picked up one of the balls. "I haven't played in a long time," she said. 

But Tom did not intend to get sidetracked. He wanted to know what her connection to him was and he wanted to know that now.   
"You wanted to tell me about my father," he reminded her. 

She put the pool ball back on the table and faced him.   
"Your father,...yes," she said. She started to pace. What she was about to say to him was certainly not easy. 

"We met at the Academy," she started.   
She seemed to be far away. After having stopped for a short time she turned to him and continued :" I had a rough start. Coming from a bad social environment, the other cadets bullied me, harassed me...   
There were few who tried to be friendly, but Owen, he was one of them," she told him. 

"Tell me, what was he like? As a father?" she asked, moving the conversation to him.   
She had a look in her eyes Tom couldn't identify. She seemed to be afraid yet sure what the answer would be. *What the hell does she know, anyway,* Tom thought, but he felt he owed her an answer, especially if he wanted to know more. 

Tom gulped. This was not a topic he liked to talk about. 

"Actually, we didn't have much of a relationship. He was on missions most of the time...   
But if he was at home...," he didn't finish the sentence. It was hard to explain the relationship between him and his father.   
"He was very demanding, didn't accept failure... No matter what I did, I was never good enough for him and he always had to rub it in on me," he explained. 

Jacqueline sighed inwardly   
*And who does that remind me of,* she thought, sarcastically. 

"He wasn't so hard on my sisters as he was on me and I never understood why," he said. 

*Sisters?! What sisters?* she thought, but didn't say it out loud.   
"I see," she said instead. What she had to say wasn't going to be easy, for both of them.   
She remembered the little boy she loved so much and looked at the man he had become. 

So different. Yet so alike. 

She could see right through him. He was hiding his emotions, behind walls so high, that what she was about to say would only strengthen them.   
She knew such defense mechanisms. She had worn them all her life.   
Observing his behaviour, she knew where the resemblance lay.   
Tom wasn't at all like Owen. Not at all. 

*He was more like...,* she stopped as the meaning of her thoughts seared right through.   
Fuck! What a curse... 

*How do I start?*   
"As I said, I grew up in Marseilles and my family was extremely poor. The other cadets at the Academy didn't accept me, 'cause I was different, 'cause I didn't care much about the hierachy.   
They thought there were someone better, that they could treat me as if I was the lowest scum of the galaxy.   
Few were trying to be friendly.   
Owen was one of them.   
He was different then. 

He wasn't gifted or intelligent.   
He was a very shy, but nice guy.   
In the beginning I didn't understand why Owen was so quiet and always learned like an idiot, but after meeting his father, your grandfather Eugene for the first time, I did. 

Eugene was a mirror image of what you described your father to be like.   
Owen didn't have the backbone to fight him, so he did everything his father wanted him to do, to please him. 

I tried so hard to help him find his own way, to find out what he wants out of his life. To forget his dad and do what he thought was right. 

And in a way I succeeded.   
I taught him to enjoy himself, to have fun. We even went to some parties together. I showed him how to play pool...," she took a break and sipped at the drink Tom had given her. 

Tom didn't know what to think about all this.   
Could this all be true? The man she described was not at all like his father. But on the other hand, his grandfather was just like she described him to be. 

He didn't know whether or not to believe her. 

*****   
Marcos Cavelle and Chris Brecker were discussing the away mission as Peter Mitchell joined them. 

He seemed ill at ease somehow.   
"Did Tom and B'Elanna break up?" he asked them. 

"Not that I know of. What gave you the idea?" Marcos asked him, confused.   
Both men missed the barely suppressed smile on Chris' face. For her, this would be good news. 

"Because right now, Paris is getting it on with that Commander of the Excelsior on the holodeck," he informed them. 

*****   
Jacqueline took another sip of the vine before she continued. 

"I don't know when the change happened.   
After I came back from a mission, the man I once knew was gone.   
Replaced by a mere replica of his father. He was suddenly all cold professional and demanding. I could see that the Owen I had come to know was still there, but...," she didn't continue on that train of thought, but asked a question that was both interesting and trivial. 

Or so it seemed. 

"What's your mother's name, Tom ?" she asked him. 

The abrupt change of topic confused Tom:" What?" 

"Your mother's name? What is it?" she asked him again. 

"Her name's Lucindia," he told her. 

She seemed to process the information for a while, before her head shot up and she eyed Tom.   
"Rogers? Lucindia Rogers?" she wanted to know, hardly believing what she was hearing. 

"Yes," he answered confused, not sure what Moreaux was getting at. 

Meanwhile Moreaux was muttering under her breath, but Tom could only guess. 

*Maybe she knows my mom. Maybe that's the connection we have,* Tom mused. 

Jacqueline Moreaux was thinking something entirely different: *That little bitch.* 

"I don't believe it. I can't believe it," she said out loud. 

Tom was fidgeting in his seat. Now, he was even more confused. 

"Tom," the woman brought him back from his reflections. 

After having his attention she continued with a softer tone of voice. 

"Tom. She's not your mother. 

I am."   


Act Two

Chris Brecker was extremely satisfied.   
Tom Paris obviously did not love B'Elanna after all... 

She studied herself in the mirror and smiled at her image. 

"I may still have a chance with him. Maybe he likes me, loves me," she whispered.   
She vowed to talk to him soon. 

*****   
Harry Kim was angry. Extremely angry.   
The rumors about Tom and Commander Moreaux had spread like an Australian bush fire and he had just heard them. 

"I've always thought Tom Paris was my friend. Oh god, how wrong I've been.   
First he somehow manages to steal Seven away from me. Then he goes and cheats on B'Elanna. Cheats on her!   
How can he hurt her like that," he cursed, ready to believe everything he heard, ready to believe Tom was capable of that. 

Not thinking about the rumors at all, he made up his mind. 

"I'm not going to forgive him for this. I can't forgive him for this." 

*****   
"What!?" Tom Paris jumped up from his seat.   
"This is someone's idea of a practical joke, right?" he asked her shakily, very much in shock. 

But Jacqueline's reaction suggested otherwise. She looked sad, pained and wasn't enjoying herself at all. 

"No," Tom said out loud.   
Staring at her face still, he sank down on the chair, shaking, his face an utter mask of horror. 

"No," he whimpered, although he already knew that she was telling him the truth. 

She could fully understand his behaviour.   
How do you react to information such as this? How do you feel when you find out that your life is based on a lie ? 

Hell, Jacqueline had no idea how to approach her son, either. But she knew she needed to give him time. 

*Not something I have a lot of,* she thought, referring to her illness. 

She now clearly remembered the scene between Tom, Owen and herself a week before the Excelsior's departure. 

*The vase,* she thought. 

"Tom, Owen lied to you.   
He was a spineless coward and he probably still is exactly that.   
He felt useless and he always took it out on you. You were an easy target for him. Being so little you weren't able to defend yourself.   
I was the only one who could proof it.   
To proof that he was beating you, abusing you..," she explained Owen Paris' motives. 

But Tom interrupted her:" But my father didn't beat me," he stated. 

"Tom. Maybe you've just forgotten and Owen didn't do it again," she soothed him. 

*Maybe she's right. After all, that wouldn't be the only thing I've simply 'forgotten' and judging from the parts of the visions, or rather memories, which are still hidden in the shadows, there may be a lot more I don't know yet.* 

"I put your father on report. I didn't want him to do any further damage. I didn't want him to hurt you or Mariah," she continued again only to be stopped by Tom, who had another question. 

"What about my other two sisters? And who's Mariah?" he asked her. 

Jacqueline's eyes widened. 

*Who's Mariah?! He doesn't know?* she asked herself. 

"Tom," she started very quietly, restrained. She couldn't believe what Owen had done. All the lies he had told him. 

"Who are your other two sisters?" she asked wanting some hint. 

"Kathryn and Victoria. They are both older than I am," Tom verified, confused as to why she didn't know.   
Was this whole thing about their relation wrong after all. No,... he believed everything she'd told him. 

"But that means...," she needed to go through the information he had just provided her with, but then comprehension dawned for her:"He cheated on me even before your birth. I don't believe it. Why didn't I notice? I can't believe it. How could I be so stupid not to notice!" 

"It's not your fault..., Commander," Tom tried to stop her from blaming herself and was at the same time shocked that his father had betrayed her all those years. 

Jacqueline sighed. 'Commander' he had called her. Somehow it hurt, remembering the little boy who had so often called out to her. Who had called her mommy.   
She knew she couldn't expect it from him now. He still needed to come to terms with all of this, needed time to adjust. 

"I know this is hard, but could you not call me Commander. Jacqueline will suffice," she queried. 

He nodded slowly.   
"Jacqueline," he repeated.   
"But who's Mariah?" 

"Mariah is your little sister. She was born seven months before I had to leave for the Neutral Zone. I have no idea what happened afterwards," she elaborated. 

"Anyway. Being such a great risk to your family, they needed to get rid of me so they could change the records as they pleased.   
I guess it was a good thing for them that I got lost in the Delta Quadrant, that I never returned from that fuckin' mission. You must have thought that I had left you, as you still remembered everything and I'm really sorry for what happened," she ended. 

Tom could tell she was furious, that if she could, she'd personally reach over to the Alpha Quadrant and strangle his father. 

*Gods,* Tom came to a sudden hurtful realization.   
*He lied to me. All this time he lied. Even staring at me with his eyes full of regret after the pathfinder message came through he lied to me. He actually told the Captain that he was proud of me! What a laugh,* he thought, contemplating everything. 

"Tell me about our past together," he demanded, very determined. 

Jacqueline hesitated, but she could see the resolution in his eyes. He wanted to know. He was not afraid of the truth, no matter how much it hurt. He was no coward, unlike his father. He had every right to know. 

"We had much fun as you were little. We went out often with Latika, your dog. We practiced in the flight simulator together. I remember you were to small to touch the controls, but you wanted to fly, so I had to lift you up.   
I taught you how to play pool and the piano," she smiled almost in tears. 

"Your play was a little clumsy, but very emotional. I think you could have become a good player," she said now crying openly. She had no problems showing her emotions in these areas. 

"I never had the chance to see you grow up. To see you go on your first date. To rescue you from Owen. I've... I've always hoped I could see you again, but I never dared to...," she cut off sobbing. She couldn't continue. 

Tom moved over to her and embraced her. He could feel the familiarity, the closeness between them now.   
He hadn't realized he'd started to cry too, but he could feel that now his cheeks were wet. 

"Tom, do you want to hear favorite song?" she asked him. 

"I don't remember how to play," he stated. 

"I do," she said and moved over to the piano and started playing. 

The melody was full of despair, haunting. 

He knew it well. 

It had been a constant companion to his visions.   


Act Three

The rumor was all over the ship by now. 

Seven of Nine wasn't sure what to do about it. The Captain had advised her to tell Tom Paris of her feelings, but she didn't know whether or not that was the right course of action. 

She decided to seek out the doctor for he had offered to help her in these matters a while back.   
Although it hadn't worked out in the end, he had done a good job in preparing her for the date with Chapman. 

He'd know what to do. 

She entered sickbay shortly after she had made her decision. The doctor was present.   
He was working on some samples as Seven called his attention:" Doctor, do you have a minute?" 

The doctor looked up from his work and was surprised as well as delighted to see the Ex- Borg. 

"Seven, what can I do for you?" he asked. 

"Doctor, you once offered to help me regarding dates and relationships. I need your advice about something," she stated. 

She had no way of knowing that the Doctor was still in love with her, so she had no problems asking the Doctor aside from her nervousness. 

The Doctor's world on the other hand came crushing down on him.   
*If she's going to ask me to help her with a date she certainly won't date me,* he concluded. 

"Yes?" he asked. 

"I've already talked this over with the Captain and she helped me sort out my feelings, but I'm unsure if the next step she proposed is the right one for me to take," she explained. 

"You have romantic feelings for someone," the Doctor took the words out of her mouth.   
*I wonder who it is?* he thought. 

She nodded.   
"I'm unsure of how to proceed." 

"Well, Ensign Paris told me that the best course of action is always the direct approach," he informed her.   
He noticed that at the mentioning of Tom Paris, Seven had gotten some weird look on her face. One of fear and desire at the same time.   
*Tom Paris?!* 

"That is what the Captain recommended," she told him.   
"Thank you for your help Doctor," she said and left sickbay. 

The Doctor stared at the door and muttered: "Tom Paris."   
Of course he'd also heard of the rumors. 

*****   
Jacqueline stopped playing. Tom was still crying silently.   
She knew he needed to be alone right now. That he needed to sort things out.   
She'd go to the Captain for a while. 

"I have an appoinment with your Captain soon," she told him and after Tom's acknowledgement she left the holodeck. 

After Jacqueline was gone, Tom sank down the wall.   
He felt so depleted, empty.   
This whole thing was a nightmare. Everything was so confusing, he was having trouble thinking straight. How do you deal with something like that? There was only one person he could turn to and that was B'Elanna. 

She'd help him. 

*****   
Jacqueline Moreaux, formerly known as Jacqueline Moreaux- Paris entered Captain Kathryn Janeway's Ready Room. 

"How was the holodeck?" the Captain asked her upon seeing the other woman enter. 

"Revealing," the Commander only answered very bluntly, not giving much away.   
She was still torn by today's events and although she's love to see through Tom's log, the truth was really Tom's to tell. 

Janeway smiled at her. 

The door chime went off.   
In came Tuvok, holding a data padd in hand. He didn't look at Jacqueline. 

"Captain, these are the crew evaluations you wanted," he informed the Captain and handed her the padd. 

"It's nice to see you again, Tuvok," she interrupted them. 

Tuvok turned away from Janeway to see who had spoken.   
He was staring. 

"Lieutenant Commander. You've certainly come a long way from that staunch, rigid Ensign I used to know," she teased him. 

Kathryn was surprised.   
Jacqueline noticed that and told the Captain that she and Tuvok had served on the Excelsior together as she was the chief pilot. 

Tuvok's reaction to seeing the Commander was not at all Vulcan. He was staring at her still, wide- eyed. 

He collected himself then and greeted her. 

"Tuvok. The Captain just showed me the holodecks. They seem to be an interesting tool. I'd love to catch up. There is something important I want to talk to you about," she told him then. 

They'd meet in the holodeck later since Tuvok had to leave.   
The Captain wondered just what the other woman needed to discuss with Tuvok.   
She'd find out. 

"Captain," Moreaux interrupted her musings.   
"There is something I want to ask you. 

The Captain saw the mixed emotions in the other woman's eyes. Whatever her question was, it was obviously very important and serious. 

"Captain. Please Tell me about Tom Paris." 

*****   
B'Elanna Torres strode down Voyager's never ending hallways.   
Gods, this was hurting. She'd never before felt this awful in her life. 

Why? 

After having heard the rumor from various people, she had wanted to see if it was true for herself. She'd gone to the holodeck only to find out that the rumors were true. 

Hell, she didn't want it to be true. She refused to think there was the possibility. 

She knew she couldn't bear loosing Tom, but in her heart she somehow felt that it was true. 

Why else would he have reacted the way he had that fateful night as he'd walked out on her during the sex? 

*He just doesn't love me. Not anymore. Not at all. Maybe he never did.   
That's the only reason there can be. 

B'Elanna entered her quarters. She locked herself in. 

God, how much it hurt. 

Tom was still on the holodeck. She checked.   
He was still with that woman, Jacqueline Moreaux. 

She could still hear the piano playing. Even now. 

Would she ever forget? 

The door chimed, interrupting her morbid thoughts. 

"Who is it?" she called distractedly. 

"Harry," came the answer. 

She let him in. 

"How are you, B'Elanna?" he looked at her worriedly. 

She just laughed, without showing much emotion, totally dry. 

"So you've heard about it, too," she stated. 

Nothing more had to be said between them. They had both come to the same conclusion. The wrong conclusion. It was an odd communication between them. 

"I think you should just forget him," he proposed. 

It was weird.   
Just a week ago Tom had been Harry's best friend and her lover. But now... 

"I can't forgive him for that. Never," Harry said and left her quarters to go to his bridge shift. 

*****   
About five minutes after Harry had left B'Elanna's quarters, Tom pressed the chime to request entry. 

"Who?" she called from inside, her voice sounding hoarse.   
*Dammit, I must have hurt her more than I thought with my running away.* 

He knew he needed to clear things up. He needed her help.   
He needed HER. 

"It's me. Tom. Can I come in?" 

She didn't answer him.   
But before he could prod any further the door opened and B'Elanna slapped him hard across the face. 

"How could you?" she screamed furiously. 

"B'Elanna. What are you talking about?" Tom asked, genuinely confused. 

"You cheated on me with that.... that.... And now you come to my quarters as if nothing happened and ask me what I'm talking about?!" she ranted. 

He started to speak, to clear things up, but B'Elanna cut him off.   
"No excuses. We both now the truth." 

"What?!"   
Tom stared at B'Elanna in utter shock.   
Then suddenly his facial expression turned to stone. 

_She doesn't trust me. Not at all._

Now at least he knew why the crew had treated him with indifference on his way to B'Elanna's quarters. Now he could explain the silent, accusing stares. Now he knew why even Harry hadn't even returned the greeting given.   
He felt like being back exactly there where he'd started as this journey through the Delta Quadrant had begun. Just that now even Harry was gone. 

He was alone. 

"You cheated on me," she repeated and shut the door, not giving him a chance at all. 

*****   
"You want to know something about Tom Paris. Why?" Janeway asked Jacqueline Moreaux curiously. 

Moreaux twitched a little bit. Before she'd sworn she'd leave the decision to Tom. He should decide when and if to go public. It was his life after all. 

*I guess I just need to find a way out,* she thought. 

"What is your opinion about Owen Paris?" she asked another question, intending to catch Captain Janeway completely off guard with the change of topic.   
And she succeeded. 

Kathryn Janeway stammered for a few seconds, but then told the other woman what she thought :" He was my mentor, my advisor, a great captain and a good man." 

Moreaux now, even more than before, knew she could not tell her anything. She probably wouldn't believe her anyway. 

"I knew Tom when he was little," she stated. 

Janeway nodded and began to tell her about Thomas Eugene Paris. Seeing the Commander was really genuinely interested she told her everything she knew. 

She didn't notice the anger, increasing in the other woman at all. 

*Goddamit," Moreaux roared inside. She was sure that if she would not have left, Tom's life would have turned out differently. But the whole thing was a scam. 

Or maybe not. She knew where Tom's problems making tendencies came from. 

On the one hand she was glad that Tom had not turned out the way Owen had, but on the other hand... 

*Maybe he's just too much like me. Too much... .* 

*****   
Chris Brecker smoothened out her dress as she went to Tom Paris quarters. 

This would work. She knew it. 

She looked delectable. 

He certainly wouldn't, couldn't turn her down. 

*****   
Tom had just returned from B'Elanna's quarters as the door chimed. 

He didn't want to see anyone right now. Everything hurt. He didn't want to be seen like that.   
It seemed that in the space of three days his whole life had turned into one big disaster. 

He considered not answering. But did anyway. 

"Come in." 

Chris Brecker entered.   
She was wearing a very sensual dress and was smiling seductively at him. 

*What the hell does she want, coming to my quarters like that. I really am not in the mood for such nonsense right now,* he thought. 

Chris was totally uninteresting to him.   
She was shallow, self- centered and totally superficial. Her emotions didn't seem to have much depth at all.   
She had no soul or fire. 

*But I guess everyone looks a little colorless compared to B'Elanna. Gods, what am I going to do,* he asked himself in pain. 

He hadn't realized how near Chris had come. She was almost on top of him. 

"I want you Tom," she whispered. 

Tom couldn't help being disgusted about her behavior. He didn't feel anything about her. Her advances just made him sick. Why he hadn't noticed her attraction to him before, he didn't know. He'd probably been preoccupied with B'Elanna. 

He pushed her away. 

"Sorry. I'm not interested," he said coldly and made a move with his hand for the door, signaling that she should leave. 

*****   
Chris stumbled out of Paris' quarters. Her heart was racing, her chest was heaving up and down.   
She was hurt. Her heart and most importantly, her pride. 

"You'll pay. You'll pay for rejecting me," she vowed. 

She ran down the corridor quickly.   
Arriving at her destination, she pressed the door chime to request entry. 

If she couldn't have Tom, she'd make sure that no one else would have him either. 

The door opened and revealed B'Elanna Torres. 

"Ensign Brecker, what can I do for you?" she asked , surprised that Chris had visited. 

She wondered why the other woman was visiting her. She didn't like her much. She didn't trust her.   
The way she sometimes looked at Tom... It was more than just simple affection. 

"No," she said, suddenly knowing why Brecker was here, believing the other woman's scam. 

She had come to gloat. 

"You've lost him. Or worse.... You've never really had him at all."   


Act Four

"You remember it, don't you?" she asked him. 

"Yes,... I didn't make the connection as Ensign Paris first introduced the program to Voyager, but I remember it now," he stated. 

"Care for a game for old times sake, Commander?" she picked up a cue and motioned to the table. 

Tuvok nodded, although he seemed to be a bit apprehensive. 

"I didn't condemn you for what happened Tuvok. You were suffering from the Pon Farr. The situation wasn't under your control," she stated, somehow knowing that it still affected him. 

"I know. But there is more," he said. 

"More?" she asked him, not getting what he was hinting at. 

"After what happened in the caves... It took me months to get my full self- control back. Only with my wife T'Pel's help I could see it endure the torture. But she always knew...," he ended abruptly. 

"Knew what, Tuvok?" 

"That there was you." 

"Me?" 

"Yes. My mentor, Surok, told me that my condition was called chianon, unreturned love.   
Before Vulcans turned to logic, it was a quite common thing. People said that it is fated, as is chian the mutual love, which is unbreakable," he explained. 

"Tuvok, are you saying that you love me?" she asked incredulously. 

The look in his eyes he gave her in return told her everything.   
"You feel that way still ?" 

Tuvok nodded. 

"You know that I don't feel the same way," she stated. 

Tuvok nodded again. 

"I knew from the beginning that you didn't ... feel, what I was feeling. I knew that you couldn't ...and wouldn't help me. But the urge was so strong, I wasn't thinking...logically," Tuvok voiced. He was getting louder and more passionate. 

*Dammit, he's losing control again,* Jacqueline realized and jumped into action. There was only one thing she could do now... 

She held her index- finger in front of his face, the fingertip pointing to the ceiling.   
"Look at my finger and imagine that all light and energy in this room focuses on my fingertip. Concentrate," she ordered in a tight and controlled voice. 

Tuvok calmed down considerably after that. 

"Where have you acquired such meditative techniques," he asked her. 

"I raised a Vulcan, remember," she teased him, smiling. 

"I tried to show her as much of her roots as possible, although I doubt I succeeded very well," she added modestly, with a bit of sarcasm mixed in her voice. 

Tuvok, noticing that Moreaux was dressing herself down, soothed her:" As I came forward before the Excelsior's launch into Romulan territory, I was convinced that you were the right choice.   
I was convinced that you were the only person to take care of my daughter for this short time.   
It was very important that T'Pel recuperate and therefor I had to join her to use our bond to quicken the healing process. Any distractions would have been counterproductive.   
I trusted you. And I trust you still.   
Through our bond we could decide that we wanted you to take care of her. T'Pel supported me on that decision.   
It is unfortunate that your vessel was sucked into the Delta-Quadrant and that my daughter was on board. It is unfortunate that I never saw my daughter again until now, but it can not be changed. I am glad that she is alive and well." 

"I hope you like the name I gave her," Jacqueline noted. 

"Originally we had decided to call her T'Pau, but it seems only logical that you gave her a name. You raised her, after all. And J'Anar seems quite Vulcan tome," he reassured her. 

"Will you see her? She will beam on board soon." 

Tuvok nodded.   
"It will be a difficult meeting, but she is after all, my daughter." 

*****   
Seven of Nine pressed the door chime to Tom Paris quarters. She was determined to tell the Ensign about her feelings, whatever the consequences might be. 

And if he would reject her, at least she couldn't fault herself for a missed opportunity. Then at least it would be out in the open and she wouldn't need to carry the burden any longer. 

The door opened as Tom Paris asked her to enter.   
He was sitting in a big, comfy looking chair. 

He was reading a book, but looked up as she approached him. 

She didn't know what to say at first.   
He looked awful. Extremely miserable.   
He was even paler than usual and his eyes were bloodshot. 

"Hey Seven. What's up," he greeted her. 

"Ensign Paris, I need to talk to you about something," she started, but couldn't bring herself to continue. It was very difficult when being scanned by his deep penetrating blue eyes. 

"What is it seven?" he asked her, concerned.   
*Maybe something about Harry,* he mused, smiling inwardly. 

"I-I...I," she stammered, before blurting out: "I have fallen in love with you." 

Tom stared at her in shock. *What?! Gods, why does this have to happen twice a day?* were his first thoughts.   
Noting the fear in her eyes. Realizing that she was shivering slightly, he didn't know what do do.   
This had obviously taken her a lot of courage.   
He didn't know what to say that could let her down easy. This was no Chris Brecker after all. 

"Seven... I-I'm sorry, but..." he started. 

"You don't feel the same way," she stated, interrupting him. 

"No, I don't. I'm sorry. There is just B'Elanna for me," he said.   
He knew he couldn't lie about that and give her hope. 

Never. Especially not at a time like this. He had enough to worry about.   
B'Elanna's rejection hurt like hell, and then there was still this thing with his mother, that made everything more complicated. 

Seven somehow sensed his despair.   
"Is something wrong, Ensign?" she asked him. 

"Tom, my name is Tom," he corrected her, tired of being reminded of his own failure. Tired of getting reminded about the Monean incident.   
Tired of knowing that once he did what he thought was right, he was demoted, punished.   
Remembering it every time someone called him by his rank.   
He could still see the Captain standing in front of him, saying that he was a disappointment to him.   
Like his father always did. Always had. 

He turned back to Seven. 

"Tom, are you all right?" she rephrased the question. 

"Oh, yes. It's just the rumors," he stated. 

"About you and Commander Moreaux?" Seven asked. 

"Yes...B'Elanna seems to believe they are true..." 

*****   
B'Elanna Torres was devastated.   
She didn't want to believe that what Chris had told her was true. But her own insecurities had the upper hand right now. 

*Why did Tom have to do this to me?* she asked herself over and over again. 

Deep in thought, she didn't realize where she was going and stumbled right into Peter Mitchell. 

"Oh, sorry B'Elanna," he apologized. "How are you?" he asked her. 

She snorted: "So you haven't heard?" she asked sarcastically. 

"You mean about the rumors? Yes, I've heard about them. Do you need help? he asked. 

"No, but thank you" she rejected his offer. He left then. 

*I'm gonna have to find some way to get over Tom.* 

*And how do you want to do that,* another voice in her head chided.   
*Hide yourself on the holodeck like you did last time. That won't help. You'll just get in trouble.   
You can't help it anyway. You love him to much to forget him.* 

"Shut up, dammit," she screamed. 

"I know there's a way..." 

*****   
Janaki beamed back aboard Voyager, carrying her stuff and her mother's as well with her.   
Waiting for her were not only Jacqueline, but also a black Vulcan. 

She had to smile. *Mum probably wants me to learn more about being Vulcan again. I just hope that guy isn't too inhibited,* she mused. 

She stepped down the padd and embraced her mother.   
After a short while, Jacqueline let go of her daughter and turned to the other Vulcan.   
She introduced them. 

"J'Anar, I want you to meet someone," she started pointing at the man.   
"This is Tuvok." 

"Tuvok," Janaki repeated, not getting the hint yet. 

"Your father," the Commander stated.   


Act Five

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat in her big chair on the bridge contemplating their situation.   
Miller had promised them to share their dilithium with them. And had also granted them shore leave.   
He was still debating whether or not to let some inhabitants go back to the Alpha Quadrant with Voyager, but Janeway knew that he'd probably leave the decision to them. 

She wondered if they even had enough place, if everyone decided to accompany them. She wondered what life would be like on Voyager. 

She had noticed the past few days, that crew relations were tense. But she had yet to figure out why. 

She hoped that the Doctor would find a way to cure Jacqueline. She had come to like the other woman very much. 

Without warning, the ship rocked back and forth, and sparks were flying from some consoles. 

"Ensign Ayala," she demanded to know what was going on from the maquis officer who was manning Tuvok's usual station. 

"Thirty huge cruisers of unknown origin have just decloced at out port bowel.   
They are heavily armed and seem to have targeted New Earth," the big man stated. 

"Hail them," Janeway stood up and neared the view screen. Taking in this armada, this e3nourmous destructive force. 

"They're answering," Ayala stated.   
"Put them through," she ordered him. 

Only mere seconds later the view changed from that of space to the interior of an alien ship. 

The walls of the alien vessel were shimmering in a golden-brown color.   
It looked ancient, with beautiful reliefs and circles. 

But the alien staring down on them from the view creen was anything but. 

It was most debilitating. 

It fit the beautiful surroundings, but at the same time it looked as if it didn't belong there at all.   
It's skin color was cold-grey. It lacked all body hair.   
It was extremely thin, almost elfin looking. It's body seemed as if it was about to break any second.   
And although it had this feline grace, it looked absolutely dangerous.   
The edgy contoures of it's body and the totally black, emotionless eyes portrayed an image of total malicity, evil. 

It sent chills down Janeways spine. 

"Unidentified alien vessel. You have entered Tolmaar space. Don't interrupt our buissness or be destroyed," the alien answered in a voice that fit its appearance totally. 

Janeway shuddered.   
"What are you doing here?" she asked the alien. 

"We will destroy Ja'Dock. We will deal with you later," it announced and ended the link abruptly. 

The armada neared New Earth now. Without warning, they opened fire. 

Within seconds, New Earth changed into a burning ball.   
Janeway watched in horror. There were few things she could do now. 

"Hail New Earth," she ordered. 

"They're not answering," Ayala said. 

"Then try hailing the Tolmaar again," she told him. She now understood how the Excelsior could have been drawn into a battle unwillingly. She didn't like those guys to begin with. 

"Didn't I tell you to stay out of this," the alien answered the hail accusingly. 

"Why are you trying to destroy the planet? The people living there have done nothing to you," Janeway nearly screamed. 

"Ja'Dock is Jedan. It's a disease. It has to be destroyed," the alien said tightly, coldly.   
There was a hint of fear in the alien's eyes as he mentioned the Jedan that Janeway didn't miss. 

"Your own people are down on the planet as well. Are they not?" Janeway tried a different strategy. 

"Everything Jedan will be destroyed," the alien repeated, ending the transmission again. 

Too late did they notice that five Tolmaar ships had left the fleet and were now nearing Voyager.   
This time, the Tolmaar hailed them, but didn't establish a direct communication.   
The message appeared on screen in written form.   
The words appeared on screen letter by letter. 

_Everything and everyone passing Tolmaar space is property of the Tolmaan guard. Prepare to be boarded._

Before Janeway could voice a protest, the five vessels attacked.   
There was no other option but escape. 

The officer replacing Harry Kim at Ops discovered a dense cloud which could be a good place for them to hide. 

There was no way to defend themselves.   
And there was no way to save New Earth. 

Janeway wondered for a second what J'Anar and Moreaux would do. How would they react to New Earth's destruction?   
The planet had been the Vulcan's home. 

"Captain, more Tolmaar ships are coming our way. They're blocking our accass to the nebula," Ayala informed the Captain. 

*Dammit,* Janeway thought. 

"Senior officers to the bridge," she barked. 

"We'll have to fight our way through." 

*****   
"My father," Janaki repeated dumbfoundedly. 

She didn't know what to say. 

But Tuvok didn't know how to react either. 

"Should I leave you two alone to talk?" Jacqueline asked. 

"No, please," her daughter said. 

"Senior officers to the bridge," Tuvok's communicator went off. 

"You must excuse me. We can talk later," Tuvok said and left. 

*They're both scared, I know. But they can't get around that talk,* Jacky thought as a sharp cramp suddenly cursed through her body and she fell down to the floor. 

"Mum," Janaki screamed and called for an emergency medical beam out. 

Both were whisked away. 

*****   
Harry Kim made his way to the bridge.   
*A disaster may be just what I need right now. It can get my mind of things and relief my anger and not actually go off and strangle Tom Paris,* he thought. 

The door to the turbolift opened, revealing the object of his anger leaning against the turbolift walls, eyes closed.   
Harry didn't look closer. Would he have done so, he would have noticed Tom Paris' appearance. His red eyes. His pale skin and his shaking body. But he didn't. 

Upon hearing someone enter, Tom lifted up his head to see who it was. 

"Hey Harry. How's it goin'," he asked his best friend. 

But the answer he got was everything other than friendly.   
"Ensign," he said, not once looking at Tom. 

Tom draw the right conclusions. Harry had obviously heard the rumors.   
"Harry, whatever you've..." he started, wanting to explain everything. Believing that Harry would listen. He was after all Harry Kim. His best friend. 

But the Ensign cut him off forcefully saying: "I don't want to hear it, Ensign." He turned away from Tom then, not giving him a chance to explain himself at all. 

Tom didn't try again after that. 

*****   
They entered the bridge together.   
The other occupants didn't notice the tension between the two Ensigns.   
They were too much endorsed in the battle. 

"Tom, set a course for the nebula, maximum warp," Janeway ordered as the pilot had taken his seat. 

"Captain, what about New Earth?" Tom ventured. 

"We can't help them. There are too many ships out there." 

"Course laid in. I'm engaging warp engines," Tom announced just mere seconds before the Tomaar ships had reached them. The fire erupted almost simultaneously with Voyager's jump to warp.   
The Tolmaar were as fast as Voyager, firing on the federation starship with an unknown type of weapon which cut right through their shields, penetrating them them like a knife cutting a cheese. 

Tom tried everything he could to evade weapons fire, but he wasn't quick enough.   
Voyager took a heavy beating. 

Just before they were about to enter the nebula, where all sensors would be blind, they saw New Earth explode, the debris flying in all directions. 

Everyone was shocked. But they didn't have the time to think about what had happened. To mourn over the dead.   
Repairs had to be made. 

"Doctor to Janeway," the hologram called the Captain over he commlink. 

"Janeway here," the Captain answered. 

"Commander Moreaux has entered the final stages of her illness. She is in sickbay," he informed her. 

Tom Paris turned away from the helm.   
"Illness?" he asked her, obviously not knowing about it. 

Janeway remembered the conversation she had had with Moreaux. Judging from Tom's anxious expression, they had talked about the past. But the French woman had not told Tom about her illness. 

"Tom, go to sickbay and help the doctor," she ordered him.   
Tom nodded gratefully and headed for the turbolift. 

Harry Kim on the other had problems to keep himself from screaming at all of them. 

*****   
Tom entered sickbay. Somehow he had collected his bearings.   
He didn't have to deal with so many silent, accusing stares in a long time. He had thought he had left that behind him. No such luck. 

He wondered what was wrong with his mother. He had no clues. She hadn't mentioned anything to him. 

He was not prepared for the sight that greeted him in sickbay. 

As the door swooshed open , the first thing he saw was the Doctor preparing a hypospray.   
Only seconds later he heard a mind searing scream. 

He turned around startled and was, altough knowing that she was in sickbay, totally surprised to see the condition she was in. 

Her face was a mask of pain. Her skin was damp. She was sweating, her brown, wet hair clung to hair skin.   
She was shivering slightly. 

The Vulcan J'Anar, sat on the edge of the biobed, looking extremely frightened. 

"Why is she here,* Tom wondered briefly, before thinking that maybe they were close. He didn't begrudge her being with his mother. The Vulcan probably knew her much better than he did. 

"Tom," Moreaux greeted him, her voice was strained and raspy, barely above a whisper. 

She motioned for him to sit next to her on the biobed across from J'Anar. 

"Tom,I want you to meet Janaki," she rasped.   
Tom nodded shortly to the Vulcan then turned back to the woman on the biobed.   
He wanted to know what was wrong with her. But she just didn't give him the chance to ask. 

"She's your sister," she told him. 

"What?!"   
Knowing this had to confuse him, she told him the whole story.   
Tom took it all in , albeit a mare than just a little surprised. 

"Tuvok?" he asked. "Well, good luck," he said. 

Janaki made a face. 

"He's not that bad, Janaki. He's just very... Vulcan. Promise me you'll talk to him," Jacky said pleadingly.   
Her daughter nodded. 

"And promise me you'll stick together," she demanded.   
"And kick Owen's butt real hard. He deserves it." 

"Why don't you just do that yourself?" Tom asked her. 

"Tom," she started, her eyes showing the regret she felt. Regret for leaving, for not being able to help, but mostly for not being able to get to know her own son. 

"I'm dying, Tom," she led the bomb drop. 

"What?!" he screamed. 

"Tom, please...gods aahh," she screamed, pain searing through her body once more. 

The doctor moved over to them.   
"I must ask both of you to leave," he said, pressing the hypospray he had prepared before against Moreaux's neck. 

"No, ... let...them...stay," the Commander pleaded with the Doctor. 

Seeing that it was what the woman wanted he left the three alone.   
There was nothing more he could do except ease her pain. 

"Reactivate me when it's...over," he said and shimmered into nonexsistence. 

"Why didn't you tell me before," Tom asked his mother, now being near tears. 

"I thought that what I told you earlier on the holodeck was enough to deal with. I didn't want you to worry," she whispered. 

"I see." 

"You'll both go your way, I'm sure," she said. 

She screamed again as a the pain swept through her body. 

"Mum," both, Tom and Janaki cried out, frightenedly. Jacqueline smiled at them. Tom had called her mum. She hadn't hoped for that even in her dreams. She was content. Her eyes suddenly closed and her body went limp on the biobed. 

Jacqueline Moreaux- Paris was dead. 

*****   
Tom walked down the corridor slowly. He needed to see B'Elanna. 

He knew that Janaki would help him, but she wasn't B'Elanna and she was caught in her own grief right now.   
She had lost everything. Her home, her friends, her mother. 

He entered the hydroponics bay where the computer said was B'Elanna.   
That's where he saw the impossible. 

B'Elanna kissing another man. Peter Mitchell of all people. 

He felt his heart shattering into a million pieces. The pain was intense. He had never felt anything like that before. Never. 

He ran out of the room blindly. 

*****   
Janaki entered her newly assigned quarters. 

She felt so empty and lost. 

All her friends were dead. She didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. 

*Oh my god, why?*   
Tears were streaming down her face now. 

*Will I ever fit in here? No friends, a father who seemed like a total stranger,* she thought. 

The only person she could really relate to was Tom Paris.   
*He's so much like Mum, it's almost creepy. 

Gods, what will I do?*   


Epilogue

After seeing B'Elanna with Peter Mitchell, Tom had retreated to his quarters.   
He felt like everything was suddenly gone, useless. 

His relationship with B'Elanna, his friendship with Harry. His past. Even his life. 

Once in his life he was ready to open up and nobody gave him a chance. 

He didn't know what to do to repair the damage that had been made, and after seeing B'Elanna with Mitchell he didn't care. 

It hurt too much.   
It hurt that they didn't trust him at all.   
No trust at all.   
No trust. 

He stared at the pictures of his father, Admiral Owen Paris, which stood at his desk. He remembered the Pathfinder project. The look in his father's eyes. The regret. 

So many dark Shadows. 

So many lies...   
  


The End 

finished march 2000


End file.
